Live standup Hard to stop masturbating

I know it's hard to quit smoking and I feel for you smokers, but it's nothing compared to the pain and struggle of quitting masturbating.

I mean, sure, you can stop for a little while, but after a week, you start remembering shows and the rumors that if you don't do it, you'll get prostate cancer.

And one day you'll wake up with cancer, and when people ask how you got it, you say, "Well, I quit masturbating a while back."

So you start up again for health reasons, and even if you get past the urban legend, you start thinking, "But how will I tell my story?"

I can't tell people I stopped masturbating to prove that it won't get me prostate cancer.